Couch Storyteller T-Shirts

'Did I ever tell you that I had a TV show idea called 'Super Nanny' years before this one?. . . Except mine was about a crime-fighting goat.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

'Dear, the good doctor appears to have misplaced my file. Can you fax over your copy?'

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"I don't get it. I got a job at a fulfillment center and yet I'm still miserable!"

The big questions in life.

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."