Couch Daters T-Shirts

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'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'Next, time, we'll meet at my place.'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

'Long distance romances in the twenty first century.'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

Spud dating.

"I am a control freak."

'Why would you need GPS? Have you suddenly forgotten how to get from the couch to the refrigerator?'

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"Police have no suspects at the present time but believe that the motive for robbery was the desire for increased income."

WARNING - This Programme Contains No Strong Language.....

"Why can't you just bat the ball of yarn around like other cats?"

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

Florist. You're taking your new girlfriend to the aviary for Valentine's Day? Yes -- It's a cheap date.

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

If you're going to wear a GoPro, Larry, you have to actually go.

"Rayna, will you be my girlfriend?"

'Can Laura come out and bark at the moon?'

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

'He's training for the London Marathon,he watches it every year.'

"WHatever happened to mutual cooperation for the good of the country?"

Ventrilamatch.com

'Here we go again, Mr Gloez, you are NOT a couch mechanic!'

'She's not actually missing yet but I'll be in Brazil next week.'

"We should get together sometime and pee on things."