Couch Comedy Club Pillows

I'd say you've got assertivity issues

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

Couch and Potato

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"I am a control freak."

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

"I want to report a race crime.'

"It's not you. It's pea."

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

Hamlet

'We are banned from reporting inside that country, so instead our correspondent joins us from the Dog and Duck, just around the corner.'

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."