Cost-conscious Philosopher Pillows

'If the world is getting smaller...How come the postal rates keep going up?'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

Elevator charge $1.00.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Financial Eyesight

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

"Well, if there is life on Mars, how come they haven't asked us for money?"

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

Pollution and money

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

"I want to tell her I love her and let her know I'm careful with money."

'I know you're trying to keep health care costs down - but what kind of life support systems are these?'

'I'm not paying $200 per hour for therapy, so you must be the one who's nuts.'

"Natasha cuts diagnosis costs."

I used to live payday to payday, now I live payday to three days till payday.

January Sales

'Private schools are really expensive these days - Why don't you home-school him?'

"I know it's not an antique but it will be when I've finished paying for it."

When they said more people were choosing to holiday at home I think they meant in the UK

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

Tattoos! $50 and Tattoos Removed! $10,000.

'This pill you take twice a day before meals. . . this pill you take right after I tell you what those pills cost.'

'Now I'll show you what turns a $6,000 operation into a $17,000 operation.'

Very sad piggy bank

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"