Cosmetics Co-conspirator Pillows

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Too much concealer?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

Have you got your make up on yet?

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Hair spray"

"More concealer?"

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'I'm getting ready as fast as I can, and for the last time, it's a vanity table, not a 'workstation'.'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'