Cosmetic Surgery Consultant Pillows

"First I had a little work done on my eyes, then I had my chin fixed, and before I knew it, I was a horse."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

What price beauty?

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Do you think I'm sixty?

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Woman applying makeup

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

"Botox."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'