Correspondence Pillows

'Grandpa, tell me about the days when people had pen-pals, not e-pals.'

'Gee, I've never had a pen pal before.'

Letter writing lady.

'This is a ball and chain letter.'

Mohamed Al-Fayed.

"Jim will have to call you back. He's trying to find his real mail that's buried in all the junk mail."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Lynching on social media

"My email is down... talk to me."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'How fast can you hype?'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Campaign for Plain English

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."