Corporate Truth Teller Pillows

Business jargon : 'significant negative growth' translated into : 'we are dead broke !'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"With this company, it's like 'Adventure Capital."

'We're looking for impartial people who think the way we do.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

Freedom of the press

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'When you said I would go places with the firm , sir, I was rather hoping for more than the annual outings...'

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

'Actually, I was hoping for a more inspiring mission statement.'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

'Great visual support.'

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

"I absolutely refuse to be surrounded by yes men, do I make myself perfectly clear?"

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'