Corporate Snail Pillows

Snail in suit with briefcases.

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

In basket-case.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Water company bonus.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department