Corporate Satire Lover Prints

"I'm sick and tired of 'Generally Accepted Accounting Principles'."

"And if you do any work, put it here."

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"While you were out, sir, the company, rudderless and adrift, operated pretty much the same as always."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

"...how would you rate me on a scale of nine to ten?"

"Nobody knows anything."

"You're fired. Pass it on."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

The Team

'Acquitted. Acquitted. Acquitted. Very impressive.'

Now, let's remove the blindfold and have a look around your new work space: Bad news, delivered badly.

'This call may be monitored for training purposes or just to keep our staff amused.'

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

Quality Contorl.

'Ms. Smith, I have a meeting in ten minutes and I can't find my hidden agenda.'

To Err Is Human: To Forgive is Against Company Policy.

'My particular skill set is mismanaging risk. There seems to be a plethora of people with that skill set.'

'There's been a big bank merger, sir, so you now have a joint checking account with a Mr. Slavomir Bezparyadok of Zagreb.'

'Bob, according to our company's management policy, you're just about due for a compliment.'

'Perhaps, Mr. Hartwelder, you could arrange to have the company pay me in cash rather than stock options.'

'This is the department of staying ahead of the curve...you want the bureau of thinking outside the box.'

'I know we said you could have a laptop, but this will have to do until business improves!'

'Your performance rating is terrible, Fenwick, but I like your looks.'

'I agree that you deserve some recognition. Who are you?'

'Well, the boss did say we would be given a forum.'

"My report is on money."

'Takeover is such a harsh word, Harris, let's just say that your people are now my people.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

The team had decided that strict sanctions should be imposed upon users of terms like 'target orientated'.

'You will find that my greatest strength is that I have no weaknesses...'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

I've created a new policy that is both arbitrary and inconsistent.

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'