Corporate Restructuring Specialist Pillows

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

New Memer/Incumbent

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

There's going to be a lot of this around here.

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"Reduced budgets are a challenge...Rather than just talk you through it we'd like to give you a practical demonstration of how to 'maximise' resources from limited resources."

'I don't like it any more than you do, Johnson. But this is the business world, and that's just the way the cookie crumbles.'

"Our profits have been out-sourced ."

'This book says there's a point where downsizing your management staff becomes 'dumbsizing.''

'I'm not looking for something that will eliminate 10% of my employees. I want something that'll eliminate all of them.'