Corporate Restructuring Consultant Pillows

'Sorry I had to keep you on hold for so long Sir. The reorganization caused an appreciable decrease of personnel cost and we have to adapt to the new circumstances.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

The Evolution of the Bonus

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

'Sire, we fixed that problem in the sales department.'

New Memer/Incumbent

"When everyone's an 800 pound gorilla, nobody's an 800 pound gorilla.".

"I'm afraid that following the audit, Mr. Davis is no longer with us... On the bright side, the corner office is now available!"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."