Corporate Raconteur T-Shirts

"Considering my cash flow, best practices would prescribe that you pick up the check."

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'We're looking for impartial people who think the way we do.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

'When you said I would go places with the firm , sir, I was rather hoping for more than the annual outings...'

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

'Actually, I was hoping for a more inspiring mission statement.'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

'Great visual support.'

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."