Corporate Punster Prints

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

British savings accounts

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'Jurassic Pork.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

Note Book

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

The Contrarian funds

'The days here are six months long... you'll love the daytrading.'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

I wonder who's Kissinger now?

"I feel that I've been given a unique opportunity to speak out on the issues."

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

'The chairman finally notices me. I parked in his parking space.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'