Corporate Psychiatrist Pillows

"You're doing a great job as a corporate psychiatrist, but would you please keep your hands off the workaholics."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

Genius

"Try letting the ball come to you."

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

'They say money can't buy happiness. Find out what can.'

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

"This is what I took away from the meeting."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"No, no - I'm just looking for a balance of power that corrupts in moderation."

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

"In preparation for his appearance before the foundation board, Rodney fine-tunes his song and dance."

"I don't think we can put off dealing with 'presenteeism' any longer."

A Nursery Rhyme From The American Psychiatric Society

"And this is another economic indicator."

'Consensus on a Friday afternoon...what a lovely way to begin the weekend!'

'If i had my life to live over again... I'd make the same mistakes sooner'

Career Progression Ladder

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

Digito Ergo Sum.

Try not to think of yourself as a cog in a vast and uncaring machine...but rather as a small but relatively important cost center.