Corporate Poet Pillows

'Insofar as hard figures are still unavailable, our Mr.Rendleman has written a poem which explores the essence of the firm's situation.'

'To save time, I'll deliver the annual report in the form of a Hiaku.'

"Yes, I know, Munger. But Wallace Stevens didn't scribble his damned verses on company time."

"What's happening in the goddam office?"

"I saw the wariness in your eyes when you learned that I was plucked from academia to run this company, so I thought I'd allay your concerns by writing this sonnet."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Born In Captivity.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"