Corporate Perk Seeker Pillows

'My job is ruining my family life, harming my health and destroying my self-respect.. but I can't quit and give up a great expense account.'

'These are job perks.'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'We offer full benefits. A desk, a chair and your very own cubicle.'

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

Perks

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

'$800,000 per year? Is that with or without an incentive bonus?'

'Gentlemen and Ladies, today we're going to get down to nuts and bolts...'

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

"Impressive resume. You really know your s**t."

"Yes, you'll probably need to go to an elite university if you want to be able to play foosball at work."

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

Day One of training for the typical new worker.

'The company had a good quarter, so we've decided to give you that company vehicle you've been wanting.'

"Your work's fine, it's your break time I want to talk to you about."

"It's come to my attention that one of you hasn't taken advantage of the company's free gym membership."

'Why, there isn't even a company folder for 'Perks'!'

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

May I have your frequent flier points and corporate parking space, sir?

'The firm provides every new executive with a personal trainer.'

"I've got an opening for a project manager in a corporation that will chew you up and spit you back out on the street in record time. Interested?"

"Congratulations. You have the skills we're looking for, and you'll just fit a cubicle."

'So what's it going to be: paintball coronary, or raft building hernia?'

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

"I don't need any money. I just came in for some fellowship."

"Yes, you will get a company car. It'll have a big, blue flashing light on the roof!"

'I don't understand how the Americans are getting away with all these lateral hires.'