Corporate Meetings Prints

'Excellent meeting. I loved the quick fixes, the simple solutions, and the easy answers.'

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

'Unfortunately when our last window of opportunity opened up, we mistakenly crawled out of it rather than into it.'

'A touch less rigour on the feedback next time, Stephen.'

Lethal Presentation

Bo're'droom

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

'Slap me when he's done. I'm putting myself into a self-induced coma.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'In the interest of full disclosure I feel you should know that for the remainder of this meeting I'll be sitting here quietly thinking about pro football.'

"This is goodbye, gentlemen. I have met another board of directors, and we have fallen in love."

'All those in favor of making more loans, raise your hands.' (staff's hands are tied to chairs).

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

"Damn it, when things were going well there was nothing but eye contact."

'Enough small talk. It's time for big talk.'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'I'm off to the A.G.M. the C.B.I. then the D.T.I. - after that I'm going home to B.E.D.'

'Just reading the minutes back will be sufficient.'

'It's important to root out any illegal activity within the company.'

Board of directors of a baby products company suck their thumbs after realising sales and profits are down.

'Remember our strategy. You divide, I'll conquer.'

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

"This afternoon we'll have a breakout session...but I wouldn't advise breaking out too far."

Boardroom sacrifice - 'Then we agree - the shareholders don't have to know what transpired here today.'

AGM - Just keep it boring.

'Jill knows how to keep it simple.'

'We have to be more innovative but not in an out-of-the-box way.'

'Okay, places everybody! Here comes the Chairman.'

Death by a thousand buts...

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"And now let's get into the details."