Corporate Influencer Gifts

"My lobbyist trumps your legal team."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

Changing Minds

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

Mark Zuckerberg

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Creativity 2.0

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"This is off our first TikTok."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

Witches of Instagram

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"Baldo, why do you make fun of my playing?"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"