Corporate Cynic Pillows

'Oh, you are such a BABY! Just how bad can a little paper cut be?'

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

"You don't get an office. You get cargo pants."

'Don't worry about doing the right thing. There'll be plenty of time for that when you're fired,retired,or reincarnated.'

"You mean all those part time, temporary, no-benefits employees quit??? Where's that old fashioned company loyalty?"

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

'Earlier you said we are losing ground. Could you be more specific?'

'Among my many talents, not shown on my resume, is that I can say 'multivarient transformative interactive analytical heterogenacity in management leadership' three times fast.'

'Crisis? Which crisis?'

'All these new regulations will totally alter the way we screw the consumer.'

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

Boss has workers on running machines.

"You can increase your profits 60% by pressuring staff into more unpaid overtime...that will be ?83,000 please."

"Just as your family means a lot to you, Henderson, power means a lot to me.

'To you, it's doing my work for me. To me... it's teamwork.'

'Want anything?'

Performance Review

M. Peabody, V.P. Mind officially closed since 1975.

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

"Sometime today do you mind putting in a two-week notice so I don't have to fire you?"

'Let's see, it says here that you've had a lot of corporate accounting experience...'

"Crumple this into a little ball, will you?"

"Let's first run it by the boys down in corporate responsibility so that we can find out exactly how much we can get away with."

Puppet workers.

'You were tough to find. Almost gave up until your employees drew me a map.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"And to comply with government and industry regulations, just initial where it says 'I'm probably a big idiot to be signing this!'"

'Furgis, under our 'profit-sharing' plan, the company will need to dip into your pension fund.'

'The project isn't that important, so put some of your worst people on it.'

'I think we should consider hiring a consultant to share the blame.'

'The salary is not that great - the real money is when they let you go.'

'I have a deep commitment to my job - at least until I can find another one.'

"Right we're agreed on increasing workloads and cutting resources in addition to selective light off of personnel. . . Next item, staff morale."

'We're going through financial hard times. We're going to have to spread the misery around unevenly.'

'You can stop worrying about job burnout.'