Corporate Culture Satire Lover Pillows

"So, when you day 'angry mob with torches and pitchforks,' you mean. . .?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'