Corporate Culture Buff Prints

Well, the doctor confirmed that it's not Rosacea.

'Well, for two companies with such different corporate cultures, I think the merger's going surprisingly well!'

"Serious analysis and market research hasn't worked. Let's go back to gossip, tea leaf reading and guesswork."

"It was right here where we put the entire department of steroids."

'We're a very conservative company, we don't hire anyone with a liberal arts degree.'

"I just have a few minor fixes that will ruin everything you've come up with."

"...As in jazz, improvisation lies at the heart of corporate accounting!"

"The CEO has given me a challenging new assignment. Good luck with it, Miss Andrews."

'No scooters here, Baxter! Our company prides itself on a 'Harley' culture.'

'We're all happy you're pleased with your bonus, but the victory lap around the office was a bit over the top.'

Boardroom sacrifice - 'Then we agree - the shareholders don't have to know what transpired here today.'

'A merger will enable us to have more people to blame.'

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

"Yes, they are a distraction, but they are part of our corporate culture."

'I want to thank you for sending me to those Excellency training classes.'

"I'll have my people post on your people's Facebook walls..."

'And if none of those work, it brings us to Plan Z...'

"The computers are down, so the entire staff went to the bar across the street. At least they'll be in a good mood when they return."

"Good god, Collins! When you asked for face time I didn't realize you meant actual face!"

'So, let's see. I've shown you your work cubicle, the staff canteen, the rest room, your parking space... Oh, yeah. And that's the naughty corner.'

"It's early days, but I'm hoping to turn it into a franchise."

"With so many people working from home we decided to sublet your desk."

Business Models

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"He's smiling today. That's a good sign."

"I'm not your salesman, I'm your partner."

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

"You can use Al's old office. He was kicked upstairs last month!"

"This is tempting, but it may come back to bite us."

Little by little they increased their influence with the team.

"Think of me as your dark knight. I'm not the boss you need, but the one you deserve."

'How do we handle staff cuts? We make sure there is a first-aid kit in every office.'

"To be a part of our team you first have to go through me. And I'm remarkable non-porous."

"Yes or no?"

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."