Corporate Canine Fan Pillows

"I'll announce the pay freeze after the meeting, because then it will look like your decision."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Who's next?"

I like you and I like your company!

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

"Can you put more nudity in this?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'Ok, Barker. I'll give you your own office - if you promise you won't mark it.'

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"At the end of the day, Maureen, wake me up."

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

'He's been with me for a long time... he was my first ulcer.'

"Now, now, Harrison, we all start somewhere."

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

a new hire signing a loyalty oath

"I knew there would be a catch."

'Catch any good mice lately?'

'The negotiations were really tough this year...but the good news is that we managed to hang on to ALL the extra work!'

See District Directors

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

Employer of the month...and every month.

'Because I'm the boss. That's why I'm so bossy.'