Cooking Show Buff T-Shirts

"Charles please! Not a slice and dice movie."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

Keith Floyd.

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"If you're such a great Doctor, how come you're not on Chicargo hope or ER?"

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Macho Vegetarian

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

"Bah! in my day bands knew how to play their computers properly. Like Kraftwerk"

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

Pop star weather report.

'I wasn't going to destroy their country until they introduced me to the cast of 'Jersey Shore'.'

'Big-time operators are standing by....'

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'Pardon me, M'sieur -- Did you order 'grilled cheese' or 'chilled grease'?'

"Dumb ass, huh! Well there's more than one way to grill a thick sausage."

"When did they add this channel?!"

My Cauldron Rules

"Tonight Mathew, I'm going to be, Charlotte Church"

Here's one I made earlier.

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Gloria wants us to go on the "Dr. Phil" tv show for relationship counseling. I know he would side with her, so I said the only way I would go on is if he agrees to call me "Mr. Lance."

Mary Berry

And that's why I'm still single!

Gok Wan

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

The Professionals.

Chefs

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'