Conversion Whiz T-Shirts

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Nerd tryouts.

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"There are the arts, the sciences, agriculture, and commerce. Stick with commerce, if you know what's good for you."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

Math Teacher

"All it takes is a little marketing, Tia Carmen!"

'Almost finished.'

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

"I'm a pragmatist, Leon. Before I put a new product on the market, I ask myself, 'Will it sell?' "

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

1080P New Year's Resolution

"Here's the artist's conception of your proposed smile."

"The exclamation points make the whole thing seem desperate and contrived."

The Eurozone - Running On Empty

'... Geez! This guy's got the poker face from hell.'

'Have we thought this thing through?'

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

UK car industry hobbled by Brexit

'... Can Willis come out and calculate formulae?'

'Excellent Hoskins, you've got all the right numbers, now shall we see if you can put them in the right order?'

"Congratulations for selling them the whole ball of wax."

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"