Conversational Etiquette Gifts

"Do you and Gary want to come over and not talk about Trump?"

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"I hit reply all too many times."

Friday is Wet Khakis Day!

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"New meeting rule: No looking at phones or playing with string."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"How about fashionably never?"

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

'I noticed there was nothing in the employee handbook about snacks, naps, or pet's birthdays.'

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

Canadian Zoom

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

Eccentric clothing may tend to interfere with play.

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

I think it's polite to turn off your cell phone on a date. Oh, I agree. That's actually the sound of my ankle monitor.

"Can I help you?"

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."