Controller Philosophers T-Shirts

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

Homo Gamus

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"By labeling it, I control it."

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'What a control freak!'

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

'It's your remote. Hold on to it. Don't let other people push your buttons.' The kind of help men go for.

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

Editorial Control

"I am a control freak."

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

You ever wonder what would've happened if Nintendo had never existed? There'd have been no Mario Bros., and since Sega created Sonic to compete, there'd be no Sonic. And without those, the market wouldn't have been big enough to interest Sony. So … no Playstation. And no Playstation, no Xbox. Several generations of awkward teens would've had to come up with other excuses not to go outside. Sometimes I wonder if it rained where I grew up.

"Mabel, you are becoming a control freak..."

Accountant sings the blues

Your own tedious thoughts next 200 miles

'Not a problem. Our industry is self-regulated. In fact, I'm scheduled to jump off the roof right after this meeting.'

"I'll only be a few minutes more dad!"

'I thought I had them all figured out, and then they started talking about their 'biological clocks,''

"He says he feels empty inside."

Teddy! Time for dinner!! I'm doing an essay on values. I need examples of oppressive values that hold people down. Sit! This hour is non-negotiable. Got it! Family values!

"When is it my turn?"

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

'Hello? Animal control?'

"I like things to be done my way but by somebody else."

"I find things go around in cycles."

"I have no problem with dictatorships; my problem is with not being the dictator."

"I hope this isn't another one of your crazy bounce-me-off-the-wall ideas."

I want you to make it so my eyes follow everybody around the boardroom.