Contract Manager Pillows

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team,,,'

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

"Can you have another look at this? There's still a few sentences people might understand..."

"You'll find it on page 46, paragraph 23, clause 18 of your contract under 'any other business'"

'A good negotiator can stand back and gain perspective.'

"So whats it to be, Harris, do you accept the terms of this contract or do I throw you to the lawyers?"

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

'Send this contract back to legal. It needs more obfuscation.'

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'

The Devil's in the detail!

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Now this is our standard company contract - I want you to stick in a couple of loopholes."

"They said their contract was too complicated..."

"Now, if you'll just sign right here, Mr. Hark, you'll make the biggest mistake of your life!"

"And to comply with government and industry regulations, just initial where it says 'I'm probably a big idiot to be signing this!'"

'I absolutely refuse to sign anything which requires a microscope and a stepladder to read it!'

"We demand so many non-compete agreements, you'll have to find work on Mars if you quit us."

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times. I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

"It's normal to feel like you can't breath and your underwear's too tight. That's why they call it a binding contract."

'It's this annual, two week, non-paid, working vacation, I have questions about.'

Public Procurement Portal

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

"I wouldn't bother reading any of the fine print. It'll only depress you."

"Apart from the NDA, we have another option before signing a contract."

Do you realise you're talking to somebody who has a three year rolling contract and who knows where all the bodies are buried?

The contract culture

'Would you believe we forgot to put anything in the contract about him actually playing football?'

"This is Clint. He handles the small print!"

"It's the standard contract. . . with just enough loopholes to cover us!"

"I am well aware of what my contract says Jerry but this kind of royalty is of no use to me."

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

Don't Forget to Read the Small Print - Thank you that will be £20

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."