Contract Comedians Prints

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

'Sorry we don't do 'Pay-as-you-ho' contracts'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

Lumber Yard. Luxury Homes! Some Assembly Required.

'Very funny!'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

Reception - I believe you wanted to see the man in charge.

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'Let's play business. I'll be the chairman of the board and you'll work for me and laugh whenever I tell a joke.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.