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"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

The Brothers Grime

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Beer Parasol.

Tequila Mockingbird

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

Standard & Poor

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'Joe has been partying hard!'