Content Analyst Pillows

"Bloody clickbait."

In the Guru District

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

Newspaper suicide.

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

"I'll never forget you."

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

'Tonight's TV junk is made possible by sponsorship of the junk food industry.'