Contemporary Art Appreciator Pillows

"I think what Kandinsky was really trying to say was this..."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Misunderstood artist

Pastorius wonders why.

Picasso: The Early Years

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Cats at private view

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"Feel better, dear?"

Scarpia's Palace

Juggler and Illusionist

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

Leaves falling out of a painting.

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

Thermidor Dali

Artist on the Beach

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'