Construction Comedy Fans Pillows

'I've been watching those workmen for two hours and they haven't lifted a finger.'

Workman eating lunch sees that the wall is not level.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

"Frosty the Repairman"

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

"And nobody noticed the crease in the blueprint?"

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

Stone henge swing.

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

Private work adjustments

NASA realized too late that there was intelligent life on this newly discovered planet.

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'