Considering Birth Control Mugs

'Normally I'd be strongly opposed to a womanh your age electing a permanent birth control option...but in your case-'

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

New arrival

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"Have you considered trying for a puppy?"

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

Biological Alarm Clock.

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

"So, how long have you been trying?"

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"Going to the beach with kids Sand in eyes, food, crevices Chasing after them with sun cream Frantically checking they haven't been kidnapped or swept out to sea Enjoying it"

Fertility Center.

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

Argument between Disposable or Washable Nappies

'Your biological clock is on daylight savings.'

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

"This song is about my struggle with the bottle."

"Did you ever have that baby you wanted so much?"

'They're not reliable.'

'Last one in is a rotten egg.'

'Don't take this the wrong way, but these pills you have to take come in a child-proof bottle.'

"Just for variety, Doc, next time let's insert the embryos doggy style."

'We're trying for a baby!'

Car sticker reads: "Child on board. Keep Your Distance - wish we could."

'You'd look good in that.'

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

"In brief, we'll stimulate your ovaries with daily medications or hormones, perform an oocyte retrieval at the hospital, incubate the eggs in a petri dish at the laboratory, and then sit back and let nature take its course"