Connoisseur Of Irony T-Shirts

''The meaning of life'? -- are you from some dictionary company?'

"When did we go from being edgy to being cranky?"

'... But, wouldn't that be kind of like, cannibalism?'

Golden handshake old redundancy port.

If the best things in life are free, what do the worst things cost?

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

'Conman - talked his way in apparently...'

'...and lately I've been having problems with my liver.' (Man's zimoframe has mini-bar attached to it).

Thinkers Drinker - 'I think I'll have another one!'

'What the heck did I do wrong?'

"And that's my guardian angel!"

"The wife dropped me off. I always said she'd drive me to drink."

"Oh sure, I speak to my lawyer regularly. . . he's in one of the other cells."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'