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"You exercise with your phone?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

City Marathon.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Hanging off every word...

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'First of all, relax.'

Technological Dependence.

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

Targets.

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'Actually, she's turned out to be a very clever pet. Watch when Rex stands up, she'll feed him a biscuit.'

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'Leadership training.'

Mentors guide you through the maze.