Conflict Advisor T-Shirts

"Our marriage is like the Middle East conflict combined with North and South Korea."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

That's What Happens

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"If we can't find the way forward, let's find the way back."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'Look, Bernie, all I'm saying is I think you're riding the new guy pretty hard.'

Mediation Process

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"For God's sake, just split the last donut!"

"Beg for peace!"

Invade/Fail/Deny

War 2023

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"It's something new I've been trying. Social scientists call it 'Productive Disagreement.'"

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

Men Working Things Out

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"Okay, you still have all the old problems, but we're adding new ones and you can't touch.

Neutral Man.

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

Conflict In Palestine

US strike on Syria.

'RIGHT! Just you wait 'till Tony Blair hears about this!'