Conference Charmer T-Shirts

"Of all the conferences in all the world you have to walk into mine"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Inclusive speech

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

Acme Toys Ltd

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

'And in conclusion.'

'Let me present today's speaker.'

Is that one of those wafer thin computers?

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

'Do you come here often?'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

Chaos Theory Conference.

'Pick a business card.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

A guy tries his luck at the water cooler.

"Remember this? One sweetheart of a deal!"

"You have a certain kind of charm, haven't you, Mr. Beadle? Well, that's all right. I'm not totally opposed to charm."

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

Weinberg's egregious error would damage his reputation forever, His colleagues would thereafter refer to him as 'the big double dipper,

"....which brings me to number one: Thinking inside the box."