Concert Chaos Navigator Pillows

'Whom should I call first? 911 or the audio technician?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

Stubborn Horse

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

Tired Barbie

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

Signs of Stress

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

Dog Day Afternoon

A dream of consequence

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

Having It All

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

'You got him here before the tardy bell, Mrs. Bates, but I'm not sure he's prepared to learn.'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

Careful

'If anyone's still interested, the definition of entropy is ^,'

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

Department to Control Government Growth - 'We need more room.'

Married Life - Poet unable to write because of noisy children

Going to the pub with kids...

"It was a mistake to let the children chose their own instruments for the new music class...I have eleven cymbals, and Billy Fitzgerald chose the bagpipes!"

"Don't worry. I'll be right back. I just need a little space."

"Frank?"

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."