Compliance Comedian Pillows

'They call it 'evolution' - It's some kind of new compliance plan.'

"So, THAT'S what 'compliance' means!"

'You were doing the speed limit. I ofund that suspicious.'

In the tax office.

'Oh! There's nothing wrong with me Doc...I just came in to make sure I didn't get a fine.'

Floor Wet When Slippery

'It's not company policy but how about starting on some performance enhancing drugs?'

IRS - No Shoes, No Shirt, No Refund.

"Where are the fire exits?"

Desk sign: "Yes, sir"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Words that can result in employee litigation box.

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'You forgot the product label.'

"Uh oh, here come more regulations."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'Nothing cements the relationship like the chance to get it in writing.'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"The bank examiners are here, oh!...I see you already know."

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'

GDPR compliant

'I don't like to complain, Evelyn, but aren't these family reunions getting out of hand?'

"You're applying for this job because your mother told you to. Well, I guess that's a good thing in a compliance officer."

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

'He's the most important man here - He writes the compliance procedures for the DEPARTMENT of Compliance!'

'I think our filing system is a little too obvious.'

'Its reading Health and Safety Regulations that make me feel sick!'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'