Complaint Converter Prints

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Complaints Desk

'Last guy that worked here did nothing but complain.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"That's the Ommbudsman."

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Awkward customers.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"I invent things to complain about."

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

"'C-minus'? -- I'd like to speak to your supervisor!"

"Want to bitch for one more lap?"

'-and remember,Higgins-it's the fault that counts!'

'What are you annoyed about now?'

'Hi, I'm from Complainers Anonymous. Can I see the manager?'

"Who do I complain to about your complaint department?"

A Dog Who Never Got His Day.

'You walked through the park to get here, didn't you, Modom?'

'Our product flooded the market...before backing up in a deluge of consumer complaints!'