Complaint Clerk Prints

'Complaints are a 'learning' experience...the first thing you need to learn is how to work the shredder!'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Complaints Desk

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

'Of course I care, madam!'

Ryanair refunds

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

'Your security system works too well!'

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

"I invent things to complain about."

Customer Service - 'No - I demand to speak to your real manager!'

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

"Well, I have arranged the pick-up of your shipment, sir. Do you already want to raise the complaint about the miscarriage, sir?"

'-and remember,Higgins-it's the fault that counts!'

"Look, I'm always happy to help customers with their problems. But you're talking to the wrong idiot."