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Food Aid

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

Zagat Rated.

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"A votre sante!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

"It's made with real angel hair."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"Just a drop."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

A train's dining car is a diner.

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

"Our cook is working through a lot of stuff."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

Mum's Diner - you finish those veggies!

"It's an agreeable little wine."

'Meat loaf again!'