Compassionate Comic Lover Pillows

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

International Women's Day

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

No-Work Orange

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

"Have you been playing dice?"

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

The Food Chain

Window Treatment

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I figured out how to raise my grades."