Communication Strategies Gifts

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Have you met the head of internal communications?'

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"Perhaps you should focus your message less on the economy and more on little shiny things."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

'I need some stroking, dammit!'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Lynching on social media

"My email is down... talk to me."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'How fast can you hype?'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Campaign for Plain English

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"You're such a good listener."