Communication Manager T-Shirts

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Lynching on social media

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

This Message Has No Content

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"You wake up after 100 years and the first thing you do is check your phone?"

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

Target your message

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'Can't we handle this through more impersonal channels like text messaging?'

'My ring-tone's inaudible to humans.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

King Solomon's Pollster.