Commercial Crusher Pillows

'Oh Dear! I see the commercial that Ed hates so much came on again, for the last time on our TV!'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Sam's Gym. My problem is I can't get the body I want with the body I've got!

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Pin-atas

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

"Let me stop you right there. Look, you're paid to keep the competition out of our territory. I don't need to hear all the grizzly details."

'Making a profit was a lot easier before so many countries abandoned socialism and started competing!'

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

'Well, we made it.'

'If you don't mind, my sales manager wanted me to call him the second you took the hook.'

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

'The driving on that game is simulated, but the road rage is real.'

"Cough cough"

The Short, Brutal Existence Of Pinata Candy.

'It happens to a lot of runners at this stage of the marathon, George. It;s called 'hitting the wall'...'

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

I'm using fossil fuel.

"You've hit your goals so well that I wanted to bring by your Christmas bonus."

"It's make it or break it time. All in favor of breaking it?"

Anders Iniesta

"How's your blogging going?"

Nose Spray.

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.

Exercise for fat people.

'I've never met a salesperson I didn't like... except, of course, for you people.'

"Can you give me about 5 minutes? I'm about to beat this level!"

"My life is one unending pop-up ad."

"One man's trash is another man's treasure. But in your case, another man's trash is ow your trash."

"I just gave her 100 Candy Crush lives so she won't be seeing anybody for a while."

"Don't grind your teeth. That's my job."

"No, you can't be anything you want when you grow up. You're a moose."

'Sorry, Alexander just has to be top at everything!'