Comical Medicine Pillows

"My diagnosis is you have an arrow through your head, but to be safe, I'll order a series of tests."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

World Cup Fever

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

You can relax now.

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'