Comic Relief In Finance Prints

"We fire pound coins at each other at high speeds and hope for the best ..."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"Any questions?" (Company's down the toilet.)

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'On Company Time: A Novel'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'