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'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Cut!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

Nerd tryouts.

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Local News in Heaven

Lifesaver!

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

Hollywood producer.

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

So, Leo catches me, devours me...wears make up?"

"More helium."

True Story Movie

'Damn ! I don't have a clue where we are.'

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

"O.K. 'The Giant Baby from Space,' Take 1."

"They say she's gone completely Sundance."

"The character I'm playing has Alzheimer's disease. So, I'm bound to forget my lines occasionally!"

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.

'Cut!' (movie studio director)

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"I tried bouncing a few ideas off Bob but they bounced back."

'Act your shoe size, not your age.'

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'We need more boots on the ground.'

'It means, like, stop filming...'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

"She's sinking alright, Captain. Even the rats are wearing life jackets!"

'How many times I gotta tell you? Don't pay any attention to which camera has the red light on!'